All His Fault
by alreadyinuse
Summary: For the romance challenge at the lupinsnape community on eljay. Snape reflects on Lupin's mistakes. One shot.


Lupin was quieter than normal lately. Not just quieter -- all but _nonexistent_. He wasn't coming around for tea anymore, he didn't just 'drop by' without reason, or show up at the end of Snape's classes. In fact, he didn't come to see Snape at all anymore, period. Snape couldn't begin to imagine why, knowing it was nothing HE had done, so naturally the blame fell to Lupin.

Snape refused to admit the sudden lack of Lupin bothered him. After all, why should he? It DIDN'T bother him, not in the least! It was nice to have his solitary life back. If anything was bothering him, it was the all-knowing and supremely condescending looks from his colleagues. Such looks made him feel uncomfortable and, in turn, made him crankier. He blamed Lupin.

Two weeks Snape had put up with this... this _silent treatment_ from Lupin and the marshaling of the staff against him. The militaristic staff he could deal with, he was used to their holier than thou attitude, but in some forgotten and locked away part of his soul, he truly did miss Lupin. This, too, he blamed on the werewolf.

He spent another week grousing about the castle, taking sardonic pleasure in handing out detention to anyone that so much as looked at him with a crossed eye or two. No one was safe from his foul mood, least of all those who normally on the receiving end. In one instance, Neville Longbottom hadn't even so much as started his potion yet when Snape snapped at him about his lack of intelligence and how he was going to fail Snape's class and what a sorry excuse for a wizard he was and... His students were staring at him; even Longbottom looked shocked. Snape barely stopped short of telling Neville he could blame it on Lupin.

He narrowly avoided Madam Hooch after supper that same evening, and decided to forgo his detention rounds and retired to his chambers. Normally he could count on Lupin coming to keep him company, but Snape knew he wouldn't be by tonight. Snape paused at the thought, unsure what he was feeling. A pang, perhaps, somewhere in the region of his chest? A pull, near in the pit of his stomach?

Regret...?

Snape considered this carefully. Why would he regret Lupin not being around? Surely he didn't care for the man that much? Granted, their relationship... Snape liked how that sounded... their relationship had matured over the past year, changing from one of mere tolerance to something more like companionship and eventually, Snape thought, shocked, they'd almost become a couple.

There had been dinners in the village, several trips to London, meetings after class, the hesitation from Lupin before he would leave for the night with a slight smile on his face.

When the hell had that happened? What's more, when the hell did he find it agreeable? And when, exactly, did he decide he wanted Lupin in return?

Snape's mind churned. No longer did his thoughts come in any form of harmony or control. He wanted Lupin back? Back from what, back to what? To being a couple? What if he was wrong? What if Lupin didn't feel the way Snape thought he did? Perhaps he'd grown tired and bored of Snape and that's why he wasn't around anymore. He'd left for more interesting company. Growling, Snape sat back down, for the first time aware he'd left his chair. He blamed Lupin for his lack of control.

He clutched the chairarms and forced his mind back into order. Severus Snape did not act rashly and would be damned if he would make himself a fool over this. He snorted.

'Rational, indeed,' his mind seemed to say.

He thought back to the last night that Lupin had spoken with him. The O.W.L.s had been that week; they were both under no small amount of stress. Short answers, short questions, and short tempers. Snape had snapped at Lupin when he mentioned anything related to the end of term, and Lupin would purse his lips together and finally changed the subject. Lupin had then talked about the summer, and did Snape want to make plans? The heat had given Snape a horrific headache that night and he wanted very badly to take a draught for it but didn't want to upset Lupin by doing so in front of him.

"Ha!" Snape spoke aloud. "I was being thoughtful. Can't be blamed for that, no I can't."

He blamed Lupin instead, knowing that it was his fault again. The werewolf couldn't take the headache draught due to the reaction it would cause with the Wolfsbane potion.

But what had Snape said then? He strained, trying to remember.

"I'll be taking the bloody summer off, away from ignorant students and annoying, unwelcome guests!"

Oops. Snape would have blamed Lupin for that too, given that Lupin had gone stiff and walked out after saying goodbye...

Goodbye?

'Wait, wait, wait!' Snape's mind screeched at him. This was important. Lupin always said, 'Good night Severus.' But that night he had barely smiled and said, 'Goodbye,' instead.

Bloody hell. He doubted he'd get away with blaming this on Lupin, although he supposed he could...misunderstanding, didn't you know? He sighed. It was Snape's fault this time, and he knew it.

Snape glanced at the clock and was surprised to see only an hour had passed since dinner. He took a calming breath. Fine, now he felt he knew what had gone wrong, but how the hell was he going to fix it?

Two nights later, Snape took more than a few calming breaths as he stood outside Lupin's office door. He held a steaming goblet full of a rancid smelling potion in one hand, and with the other he knocked sharply on the door before entering.

'He looks... good.' The thought caught Snape off-guard, but it was true. Perhaps he had truly misjudged how much he had missed Lupin. Not that it mattered now, because...

"Good Evening, Professor." Two sets of voices bid him hello, sending annoyance through Snape and cutting off his private thoughts. So much for any of his plans on catching Lupin alone.

Snape sneered, never one for hiding his irritation. "What are you doing out after curfew, Potter?"

Lupin answered for him. "It's all right Severus. Harry came to say goodbye."

Snape's head snapped up. "Goodbye?" His eyes went from Lupin's face to Potter's face to the around the room, checking to see how much Lupin had packed. Distracted, he calculated how much time it would take for him to change Lupin's mind before he realized both men where staring at him.

"Yes. Harry came to say goodbye before he left for the summer. End of term..." Lupin trailed off, raising a brow at Snape. Harry just looked amused.

Right. Snape cleared his throat and nodded. "Good Evening, Lupin."

He only had to wait ten more days.

Those ten days dragged by slower than even Snape had thought they would. Lupin's fault, of course.

The five nights following the scene in Lupin's office, Snape had sent a house elf with the Wolfsbane, but each night he had sent a note along with the potion.

The first night it had read: 'Drink it all. - S.S.'

The second had said: 'Drink it all. - S.S.' (He had wanted to add more to this one, but felt stupid and so he hadn't.)

The third note had said: 'Sorry it tastes so awful. Better than biting someone anyway, I would think. - S.S.' (He cussed at himself for this one after, and blamed Lupin for making him act so unlike himself.)

The fourth note read: 'Two more days. - S.S.' (Perhaps Lupin would want him for his counting skills.)

The final note was the only one Snape hadn't struggled over writing. He knew exactly what he wanted it to say and was ectatic to finally be able to send it. That note had said:

'Lupin,

I must admit, I've been rather annoyed with the lack of your person lately. It's in bad taste to acclimate one to you, only to suddenly vanish the way you did. I suppose it only fair to explain this fully to you, which I will do in five days time. On the evening of the fifth day, please meet me at my chambers. 6 o'clock shall do nicely.

S.S.'

He hated waiting. This was ridiculous and foolish and he hated waiting.

He could do this.

'Funny how five days had seemed like enough time,' Snape thought to himself. Glancing at the clock, he fought down the last bit of panic and finished lighting the candles. Hooch had said romance was the only way to go, and if Snape was going to be a fool, well hell. He might as well do it in grand style. He had listened to her, hadn't he? Damn Lupin anyway.

Snape closed his eyes for a moment when he heard the knock on the door. He had laid his plans out carefully over the past few days - flowers, chocolate, champagne, dinner... and then the hard part. His confession and apology. He could do this. He would do this, because damn it, he was tired of missing Lupin.

He opened the door and let Lupin in, carefully watching his face as he noticed the candlelight, the flowers...

"Severus?"

Snape shrugged. Did the order in which he did things really matter? The romancing of the wolf could come after. He took a step closer to Lupin, and took one of his hands in his own before calmly speaking.

"I love you, and it's all your fault."


End file.
